Day 16: Surgeon appointment

Only saw him for about 5 minutes. I have another appointment in 3 weeks, when he will be cutting my wires off, needless to say these next 21 days need to fly by.

It's weird though, I was under the impression that I'd be seeing him every week, I mean there isn't really anything alarming going on, he said there were no signs of infection and that everything seemed to be healing nicely. Eh, what can I say? He's a busy guy.

I got my chin dressing off - finally-.. But I realize that I look a lot different then I thought I did. My chin is reaally short now. Like really short. I feel like I have a little fat head now and that I look like a rat. I don't know, I'm not too happy with the results so far.. Hopefully it's just the swelling and I'll look better after, but then again who really knows.

I'll post some before and after pics and an update on swelling and numbness later on, I'm just super drained right now.

15 days post op

Well, lets jsut saying not having eaten real food for over two weeks you get kinda desperate
I'd read online that some people blended up mac and cheese and even mashed potatoes. The mashed potatoes, lemme tell was a heaven on earth if I'd ever eaten it.. but the mac and cheese hmm..

I mean I don't hate it but it's not great. I'm sure if I was on a regular diet I'd have thrown up by now..

It's kind of like a cheesy oatmeal.. don't think I'll ever do this again.

In other news, I've been great so far - other than some teeth pain which is fine because that means I have feeling in those teeth. My numbness is steadily going down as is the swelling. There's still a lot there but its quite the improvement.

My skin has also been peeling a lot around my nose, which I've heard happens after jaw surgery.

hmm, I'm good I just wish I could eat something. and I've got another 3-4 weeks until I'm unwired. (I die a little more inside everyday.) I'm tired of liquids. I hate milkshakes. I doubt I'll be drinking anymore after this whole ordeal. I hate soup, I've ruined mac and cheese for myself (let's be real, I'll never forget this mac and cheese oatmeal thing ever in my life)

I just want a burger, and pizza, and my moms pasta. And a sub from subway like that right now would be awesome. Honestly, I'll be happy if I could just open my mouth wide enough to yawn comfortably, and eat without having pieces of food stuck behind, in, between and wrapped all around my braces and surgical hooks & wires.

But it's okay! I'll distract myself by having movie/tv marathons and trying to go out, all though it's not fun when I talk like someone who reeeaaallly needs to go LOL.

But I have my first appointment with the surgeon at 8:45 am so we'll see how that goes.

Looks and stares

Seriously I just feel like Writing BROKEN JAWS on my cheeks so people would just look once and leave me alone

I honestly feel for people who have to go through this constantly and sometimes throughout their whole lives. This is why even before my surgery I made an effort to not look and if I did to smile like I would with anyone else and not gawk at them like theyre some lab experiment gone wrong.

On another note.. tell me its normal for the swelling to be going down sooo slowly. It seriously feels like it hasn't gone down at all.

And the discomfort in my teeth. Idk maybe its the wires pulling at them and clenching down all day long but wow, its pretty uncomfortable. Its like when you get your braces tightened except its on every single molar and pre molar. Oh well id rather have that then no feeling so~ no complaints here.

Day 8: into the real world~

Swelling: Is decreasing pretty freaking slowly. It doesn't look like my face has changed at all. Could be because I've never taken the ibuprofen (who could stomach that grinded up ugh) and idk im kinda sleeping up right lol kinda... 

Food: My nutrition is so bad right now. Literally all I eat is soups like tomato soup, chicken noodle soupp (sans the chicken noodle"), milkshakes and random bits of juice here and there

Other than the obvious lack of food from the damn wiring, and the swelling I feel pretty much back to normal. In fact, I've even adjusted to the lack of food and seeing all the good food my family is eating (today they had pizza T.T and shrimp /cry) but it's okay because I've learned that I could live vicariously through people by watching them eat (as creepy as that is) and watching people make food on youtube. Seriously, it's al I've been watching especially east asian cuisine (gotta love me some kimchi) and how to make fast food like a mcchicken at home because I reaaally miss fast food for some reason.

I remember a few days ago writing on my tumblr about how this has been the worst experience of my life and that I don't know how I'll cope without food for 6 weeks. Well I'm glad to tell you it's getting easier (not in the sense that it's actually easier) just that I'e adjust fairly quickly. And I have to thank my best friend specially because shes been there for me a100%, and my mom has been doing so much more work and on top of helping me who can't even make phone calls (thank you, I love you guys and I'm sorry for the constant complaints and jaw talk!). 

Today, I went to school and on a bus (wow people stare a lot) because I had an exam to write. It was quite the experience. I felt myself hiding a lot, I got a lot of stares, lost my balance, stepped on people I was quite the mess and my apologies oh gosh probably sounded like a Neanderthal's grunts #oops. 

I even saw someone I wasn't friends with but knew from my old high school - talk about a double take -  Not sure if it was because he recognized me or because he was thinking "what the hell happened to that broad??" 

One thing however, I have the weirdest thing under my upper lip. It looks kind of like it might be infected (although my mom seems to disagree) but I don't have any symptoms. The bad thing is, I dont see my surgeon for the first post op appointment until one week from now, because of these damn exams. 

Yawning, coughing smiling/laughing and pain:

Let me tell you Yawning has become such a painful thing to do, but I've figured out how to effectively stop it, when you feel it coming on just breathe really deeply and out forcefully. 

As for coughing, I've needed to do so for the past two days! Not fun. 

I've also been smiling and laughing a lot, which I just do I'm a naturally laugh-y kinda person, like I'd laugh at the dumbest, simplest things. So as you can imagine the stitches have been barely holding my face together. I'm wondering when people were to smile and laugh normally again after surgery?

Pain, I have no pain - except in my teeth (which is a good thing, feeling is returning) from the cold, from clenching down on them all day, they even feel like theyre wiggling around idk maybe it's all in my head. 

Last night, was another night I stayed up until like 6 am because of the sensations in my face. They dont hurt but tbh I'd rather pain than this weird feeling. At least pain I can sleep with. LOL it came back as soon as I started writing this. It's mostly in my right side, which is also the side that is the most number which maybe because of my crossbite pre surgery. Well here's to hoping for a good night. 

Day 6: Premonition??

Okay so another good day, the only bad thing is I've only drank apple juice and not even half a cup of oatmeal. Just wasn't feeling up to it.

I've noticed that because my jaws are wired shut they are putting a lot of pressure on one of my molars which is thankfully the only source of my pain so far!

Today I just again, bummed around, put off studying and slept.

I only got about two hours of sleep from 5 -7 because of the weird sensations in my face. But that is A-OK if it means the nerves are regenerating.

On a more important note. Negativity. This is something we need to try hard to get rid of from our lives, even before and after jaw surgery in all aspects of our lives.

Negativity about our corrective, yes corrective jaw surgery is something obviously not unheard of.

But we need to ignore it. Yes, I have just started to hear from some really negative people in my life that I'm "fake" and treating this like I went off and got plastic surgery because I thought I was ugly or I hated my chin or nose, which I never did. And no, even plastic surgery shouldn't be looked at so negatively. At the end of the day the person doing it, wants to do it to be happy. If it doesn't affect anyone negatively then all power to ya! Good for them. But talking about corrective jaw surgery by using plastic surgery in a negative light can, and has made people angry.

It's OK.

I tried eating noodle soup today blended lol not a good idea. Seriously, all the spaces inbetween my teeth became so blocked up. I don't even know how I'm going to get all this stuff out :((

---
It was a totally bad idea, I ended up freaking out because it went everywhere and i think I ripped some stitches which sucks because I can't even see my surgeon at the one week mark - happy one week to me.

Nerve regeneration?

So I currently cannot sleep because my face decides to start regenerating it's nerves (well that's what I think is going on anyways) right when I decide to turn in for the night.

But don't even get me wrong, they can go all night if it means I'm getting more feeling back in my face. It's not painful or anything but it feels sooo fucking weird. Like I can't even explain the feeling, it's quite uncomfortable.

Day 5: A good day :)

Today is starting out to be pretty good! Thank god, I don't really have that horrible of pain in my jaw joints today, and my nose is soooooo clear for the first time in almost a week.
But I'm a bit anxious because I slightly reaaaaaally softly blew my nose because it was unbearable and oh wowowowow the stuff that's sitting in your nose after upper jaw surgery is soooo grossss. But special tip INVEST IN A HUMIDIFIER if you don't already have one. Seriously, the like few times mine wasn't on, my congestion built right up, but with it my nose has been amazingly clear. I don't know what I would have done without mine!

I also have this gauze/tape thing wrapped underneath my lower jaw and chin and let me just tell you, it is not fun! Starting from last night, it began to itch like crazy, the tape is already beginning to peel so I'm trying so carefully to scratch it but it just doesn't work. Ugh, and I'm stuck with this thing for the next 3 or 4 days too boo T.T

-- Oh random, LOL this economics exam that I have in a few days is really getting to my subconscious. I'm having dreams about economics, which I'm sure isn't very healthy. With that, I've noticed at least one dream if not more these days since my jaw surgery, like I don't know what it is, but I don't forget my dreams these days which is awesome cause my dreams are quite entertaining tbh, who knew I had such a head on me.

omg lol I seriously can't stress this enough, you never realize how good looking you were until you have jaw surgery, I mean I look an ugly mess dude.

As for eating, I'm starting to well drink more everyday which is good but to be honest it does not help at all. Liquids just get processed so fking fast in your stomach I'm literally hungry with minutes ughughugh I guess I better get used to it.

On top of that however, Im finding that my energy levels have taken a huge nose dive. Seriously, I hate how cleaning my teeth makes me tired enough that I want to take a nap! ugh.

After my nap:
Honestly, today was a great day! I felt pretty much normal except for the mouth which wasn't at all painful, just gross. Not brushing the insides is taking a huge toll on me!! It seriously feels so gross and slimy ugh. just 5 more weeks..

As for pain.. I seriously had like no jaw pain today thank god, I'm hoping it doesnt come later on, and its awesome because I haven't taken pain meds at all since I've been home, plus the numbness in my face is starting to decrease quite a bit. My tongue isn't numb at all and neither are some of my teeth, they're starting to get sore from being crushed all day LOL

And I've got some studying done which is awesome because when I tried yesterday I literally COULDN'T.

Thank god today went so smoothly, I'm praying for another good tomorrow for the rest of my recovery! So much better than yesterday.